INTP relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs have an interesting mixture of traits that often pleasantly surprise their partners. People with this personality type are always full of ideas, but they have few opportunities to explore their more romantic notions. As with any of their theories, INTPs love sharing with others, and in finally meeting someone where romantic thoughts are appropriate, they show themselves to be excited, enthusiastic, and even playful, flirting with word-play and intellectual games.

None of this is to say that these relationships come easily to INTPs - they are shy and withdrawn individuals, and getting out and meeting new people, risking rejection and making themselves the center of attention in emotionally delicate situations are far from being their strengths. It is more likely that INTP personalities will leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a potential partner, allowing them to make the first move and committing to their partner as an act of reciprocation rather than bravado.

Marry! A Good Wife Makes Happiness, A Bad One, Philosophy

INTP personalityFrom the start, INTPs take their relationships seriously - their imagination and vision, and the challenge of getting to know new people, make them all too aware of how important it is that they're involved with someone, and they will prove themselves surprisingly loyal. Even early the dating phase, INTPs are unusually direct and honest, doing their best to express their mindset and create mutual understanding, believing that this shared knowledge will help to minimize misunderstandings and avoid conflict.

As their relationships progress, INTPs' daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the INTP personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses - their partner may very much need these things, and it won't even occur to INTPs to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, INTPs are notoriously bad at picking up on others' emotional needs.

When it comes to conflict, there is a certain willful ignorance for INTPs, and they often set aside their partners' feelings, and their own, for far too long.

When these conflicts do arise and are inescapable, INTPs will do their best to find a logical solution. But this hardly helps if the problem is logic itself, that INTP personalities aren't meeting their partners' emotional needs. INTPs should keep this in mind, and try to meet their partners halfway by communicating on an emotional level - if they make this effort, understanding partners will recognize and appreciate the gesture, clumsy though it may be. After all, they need to afford INTPs the same benefit, and meet them halfway with logic and simplicity as well.

Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life

All this material asceticism and conflict avoidance support one primary goal - to free up mental resources for more important things. INTPs' creative, vivid imagination make for a surprisingly enthusiastic, passionate, and romantic partner. While INTPs may prioritize their inner world too much, imagining interesting and exciting intimate situations that are never expressed to their partners, they also use this rich inner world to achieve as much as possible in intimacy - they rarely want for ideas.

Physically, intellectually and with a little effort emotionally, INTP relationships are rich and rewarding connections. Partners who share the Intuitive (N) trait are usually best, along with one or two opposite traits to create variety and balance, but so long as INTPs remember that they are with people who have their own, independent wants and needs, and so long as their partners remember the same of their INTPs, these are long-lasting and satisfying relationships.

Strengths & Weaknesses


Your name:
Oct 14, 2014 05:24:35
Well I'm almost fourteen now, I too am an INTP. Not only am I shy, I have anxiety and depression. I've learned a lot about myself this year and was wondering if any other INTPs had any advice for me?
Oct 10, 2014 04:59:05
Logic does not have to eclipse emotion or cause us to be blind to others emotions. Most of this INTP stuff is pretty accurate to me, but after... some things happened in my life, I forced myself to learn how to be emotionally supportive and engaging.
Oct 08, 2014 01:19:36
Strange. I fell squarely into INTJ five years ago, now I'm INTP; wonder what changed, and when. Either way, I'm definitely INTx material; always worked better on my own, hate large crowds, despise needless authority, social mores based off of ritualistic tradition, set procedures, and small talk. Whenever I work in an environment where I must follow strict protocol and with a team, my performance suffers greatly. Fortunately, one of my last jobs realized this. They gave me near full control over my own work in their logistics department and allowed me to split my workload between sub departments during my shifts. I had no direct control over anyone, and the only one who had direct control over me was the GM. It was beautiful and my production levels went through the roof. The only downside is that one of my duties included being the pre-shift exercise coordinator; I had to lead ~125 people in stretches and simple workouts after each morning's briefing. That part was absolute hell; despite doing every day, I never got used to it.

Wish I still had that job, but after the the company merger, the GM was fired and they were going to assimilate me into a single department (they couldn't even figure out which one). I chose to leave rather than face whatever banal new job was in store : (

I have a very small group of friends, and they can all count on me for advice and abstract solutions to tricky problems, and I can count on them for the occasional small party, hike, or boat ride. All in all, I kind of like what I am. My biggest downfall is difficulty finding a partner, but I have no problem having great long-term relationships whenever I do actually manage to get a girlfriend. Another downfall is if a long chain of events fail to go my way, I tend to lose motivation for everything and can wind up half-assing my work in order to go home, do nothing, and sink into major depression for months on end.
Oct 04, 2014 03:20:00
I took the test and after red the description. It fits to me for the most part! I'm dating a girl with the INFP personality. Wile we do have a lot of things we can talk about and we do understand eachother for the most part, sometimes we really can't and it leads to massive conflicts. After reading both her and my personality description; it all makes sense. From what I understood it seems to me like this: INTP have Introverted logic which means they recreate what is true or false backed by unemotional data. Thats the logic back by intuition. They make good guesses but get lost in their fictional world. INFP do the same but more toward people then things as INTP emotion isn't great and an INFPs logic isn't great. So both have a strong focus (rather emotional or logical) backed by an over all feel. Do any of you suffer from some sort of Insomnia? Both me and my girlfriend have a lack of sleep regularly! And not always in the good way :( ... gigity gigity
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Oct 03, 2014 16:19:12
As an INTP, I would say the perfect spouse would be a Diplomat (NF combination, and especially an extroverted one); someone to do the talking for me, and explain to me how these "feelings" work.