INTP Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs have an interesting mixture of traits that often pleasantly surprise their partners. People with this personality type are always full of ideas, but they have few opportunities to explore their more romantic notions. As with any of their theories, INTPs love sharing with others, and in finally meeting someone where romantic thoughts are appropriate, they show themselves to be excited, enthusiastic, and even playful, flirting with word-play and intellectual games.

None of this is to say that these relationships come easily to INTPs – they are shy and withdrawn individuals, and getting out and meeting new people, risking rejection and making themselves the center of attention in emotionally delicate situations are far from being their strengths. It is more likely that INTP personalities will leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a potential partner, allowing them to make the first move and committing to their partner as an act of reciprocation rather than bravado.

Marry! A Good Wife Makes Happiness, A Bad One, Philosophy

INTP personalityFrom the start, INTPs take their relationships seriously – their imagination and vision, and the challenge of getting to know new people, make them all too aware of how important it is that they're involved with someone, and they will prove themselves surprisingly loyal. Even early in the dating phase, INTPs are unusually direct and honest, doing their best to express their mindset and create mutual understanding, believing that this shared knowledge will help to minimize misunderstandings and avoid conflict.

As their relationships progress, INTPs' daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the INTP personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses – their partner may very much need these things, and it won't even occur to INTPs to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, INTPs are notoriously bad at picking up on others' emotional needs.

When it comes to conflict, there is a certain willful ignorance for INTPs, and they often set aside their partners' feelings, and their own, for far too long.

When these conflicts do arise and are inescapable, INTPs will do their best to find a logical solution. But this hardly helps if the problem is logic itself, that INTP personalities aren't meeting their partners' emotional needs. INTPs should keep this in mind, and try to meet their partners halfway by communicating on an emotional level – if they make this effort, understanding partners will recognize and appreciate the gesture, clumsy though it may be. After all, they need to afford INTPs the same benefit, and meet them halfway with logic and simplicity as well.

Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life

All this material asceticism and conflict avoidance support one primary goal – to free up mental resources for more important things. INTPs' creative, vivid imagination make for a surprisingly enthusiastic, passionate, and romantic partner. While INTPs may prioritize their inner world too much, imagining interesting and exciting intimate situations that are never expressed to their partners, they also use this rich inner world to achieve as much as possible in intimacy – they rarely want for ideas.

Physically, intellectually and with a little effort emotionally, INTP relationships are rich and rewarding connections. Partners who share the Intuitive (N) trait are usually best, along with one or two opposite traits to create variety and balance, but so long as INTPs remember that they are with people who have their own, independent wants and needs, and so long as their partners remember the same of their INTPs, these are long-lasting and satisfying relationships.


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1 month ago
I finally feel at home when reading this. And all the other pages. It's like I found a true friend amongst the chaos of my life. I have a crush on someone, however my "breadcrumbs" don't seem to be noticed.
1 month ago
This seems so accurate! I wish I had found this and taken it sooner, this is very interesting and it helps me better understands myself and others.
2 months ago
It's scary how this was so accurate
3 months ago
I'll be blunt. I'm an INTP and I'm 13 years old. I do have a "crush," but I see It as my first romantic choice rather than liking someone. Anyway, he's quiet, intelligent, and I don't know much about him other that he doesn't have any real friends (except for my Best Friend who's friends with everyone.) I do like him, but I'm too shy and he's even more shy than me so he's not going to do anything and neither am I. What should I do?
3 months ago
Be the slightly less shy one.
Bobbi J
3 months ago
Don't overanalyze the situation. Just try to find something you both are interested, and go from there. My sister told me that if two peoples personalities match, then with just a little effort things will fall into place. i.e. a true connection shouldn't take tons of effort.
3 months ago
I was exactly like that when I was 13, it took me three years to realize that the reward is so much greater than the discomfort of risking rejection so then I grabbed my ENTJ husband. Now we have been together for five years and I can say that my initial gut feeling was correct, like it always is. As an INTP you have the best of both worlds: logic decisions but still a good understanding of feelings. Use that to your advantage, you know what you feel and you are most likely right and then you take the most reasonable next step. In this case you need to show your interest, in other cases it might be to just walk away no matter how awkward it may feel. Think of it like this: all his good qualities and everything you like, don't you think other people notice that too? Show him you like him before anyone else does lol
1 month ago
Thanks, that really helped!
4 months ago
My girlfriend is an INTP and I'm an INFP, which means that the big difference between us is that she's more logical and I'm more emotional.. it's so crazy how everything said in the romantic relationship section has everything to do with the way she is about us.. If you love someone, forgiveness is indispensable, don't give up them so easily, because people ARE different, but it doesn't mean they don't love each other and can't make it work out!
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