INTP relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs have an interesting mixture of traits that often pleasantly surprise their partners. People with this personality type are always full of ideas, but they have few opportunities to explore their more romantic notions. As with any of their theories, INTPs love sharing with others, and in finally meeting someone where romantic thoughts are appropriate, they show themselves to be excited, enthusiastic, and even playful, flirting with word-play and intellectual games.

None of this is to say that these relationships come easily to INTPs - they are shy and withdrawn individuals, and getting out and meeting new people, risking rejection and making themselves the center of attention in emotionally delicate situations are far from being their strengths. It is more likely that INTP personalities will leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a potential partner, allowing them to make the first move and committing to their partner as an act of reciprocation rather than bravado.

Marry! A Good Wife Makes Happiness, A Bad One, Philosophy

INTP personalityFrom the start, INTPs take their relationships seriously - their imagination and vision, and the challenge of getting to know new people, make them all too aware of how important it is that they're involved with someone, and they will prove themselves surprisingly loyal. Even early the dating phase, INTPs are unusually direct and honest, doing their best to express their mindset and create mutual understanding, believing that this shared knowledge will help to minimize misunderstandings and avoid conflict.

As their relationships progress, INTPs' daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the INTP personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses - their partner may very much need these things, and it won't even occur to INTPs to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, INTPs are notoriously bad at picking up on others' emotional needs.

When it comes to conflict, there is a certain willful ignorance for INTPs, and they often set aside their partners' feelings, and their own, for far too long.

When these conflicts do arise and are inescapable, INTPs will do their best to find a logical solution. But this hardly helps if the problem is logic itself, that INTP personalities aren't meeting their partners' emotional needs. INTPs should keep this in mind, and try to meet their partners halfway by communicating on an emotional level - if they make this effort, understanding partners will recognize and appreciate the gesture, clumsy though it may be. After all, they need to afford INTPs the same benefit, and meet them halfway with logic and simplicity as well.

Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life

All this material asceticism and conflict avoidance support one primary goal - to free up mental resources for more important things. INTPs' creative, vivid imagination make for a surprisingly enthusiastic, passionate, and romantic partner. While INTPs may prioritize their inner world too much, imagining interesting and exciting intimate situations that are never expressed to their partners, they also use this rich inner world to achieve as much as possible in intimacy - they rarely want for ideas.

Physically, intellectually and with a little effort emotionally, INTP relationships are rich and rewarding connections. Partners who share the Intuitive (N) trait are usually best, along with one or two opposite traits to create variety and balance, but so long as INTPs remember that they are with people who have their own, independent wants and needs, and so long as their partners remember the same of their INTPs, these are long-lasting and satisfying relationships.

Strengths & Weaknesses


Your name:
Dec 15, 2014 19:29:51
I'm an ENFP that has endured and adored an INTP for 8 years.
He's utterly adorable, infuriating, intelligent, impractical, deeply sensitive, cold, sensual and lost in thought in equal measure.
I'm a glutton for punishment because it appears I like a challenge-
as he must too!
The social aspect of our lives is the hardest because I'm energised and he exhausted by other people. I've learnt to do a lot without him and generally that's okay. What we get to share together makes it worth it.

Nov 24, 2014 14:03:04
Hmm, I am now in a relationship with INTP and we really have something to be discussed. I am an ENFJ and I want to understand him but I know it's very hard. We are now decided to not talk for a while and I let him have some time alone to think about us. Hhhh. Why is seem so hard?
Dec 15, 2014 19:33:42
OMG! I'm an ENFP with an INTP. In the first year he kept disappearing to be alone... Drove me crazy. It was his way of figuring out how much he wanted to be with me- by experiencing absence of me. I know crazy right? But that's how they work. Go with the flow... they are authentic in their own logical weirdo way. Dx
Jessica Cabello
Nov 15, 2014 10:08:36
I'm really concerned because of this. You see I always had life essentials in my head as important. I am a woman keep in mind. I believe that I wanted/desired to be a fit for the position more than I wanted to find what I actually wanted/desired. Matter of fact in the first grade I was kicked out of a gifted program because my teacher thought I was too emotional. My third grade teacher revamped me when she believed in me. I preferred security over individualism. Companionship so I would be free of my second guessing. I was afraid of the creativity leading me to an inconsistent life, which is an undesirable idea. In the self discovery of who I am, which is most definitely an INTP, I rejected myself completely. I used perception so much so that in high school my results came up ESFJ and I thought they were right. I have also had it come up as ENTJ, INFJ, ESFP, anything I wanted based on the perception. ESFJ, is mentioned as my supposed complete opposite I need and would appreciate? Well I guess I already tried being them and know it was a difficult and compassionate role, that lead me to more knowledge. Could I have lived out, my security to know how to find it, or ? I'm not sure what to say, but I'm uneasy about this finding. Perhaps we put too much emphasis on time, job security, and stability. Maybe there are more of us out there fooling, or second guessing ourselves, because of the intense fear of rejection of the self.
Nov 11, 2014 07:42:56
That cleared some weight off my chest and unclogged my brain a little... so it was INTP personality all together ... and I was trying to over analyze what could possibly be wrong. People call me indecisive though they turn for solution towards me .... I always consider six possible solutions.. their longtime and short-time impacts and things as such. Heartening to learn that there are people like me too... 3-4 romances but afraid to go to the final step ... the one which in which I bargained very badly ... ended up becoming my spouse as I became the perfect loyalist (Instantly!!)
Nov 06, 2014 13:44:13
I'm an INFP and I'm surrounded by INTP's. My twin and my best friend are INTP's and they're very withdrawn and private to others, but to me, they're open, friendly and quite exuberant! I've only met one nasty INTP before and he's an ex...he was exceedingly arrogant and patronising and I actually ended up in a counselling office because of his horrible demeaning attitude. I don't think he realised how condescending he was because I called him on it a few times and he shrugged it off, even if I was in tears. It's lovely to know that I'm surrounded by INTP's who are great :)