INTP relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs have an interesting mixture of traits that often pleasantly surprise their partners. People with this personality type are always full of ideas, but they have few opportunities to explore their more romantic notions. As with any of their theories, INTPs love sharing with others, and in finally meeting someone where romantic thoughts are appropriate, they show themselves to be excited, enthusiastic, and even playful, flirting with word-play and intellectual games.

None of this is to say that these relationships come easily to INTPs - they are shy and withdrawn individuals, and getting out and meeting new people, risking rejection and making themselves the center of attention in emotionally delicate situations are far from being their strengths. It is more likely that INTP personalities will leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a potential partner, allowing them to make the first move and committing to their partner as an act of reciprocation rather than bravado.

Marry! A Good Wife Makes Happiness, A Bad One, Philosophy

INTP personalityFrom the start, INTPs take their relationships seriously - their imagination and vision, and the challenge of getting to know new people, make them all too aware of how important it is that they're involved with someone, and they will prove themselves surprisingly loyal. Even early the dating phase, INTPs are unusually direct and honest, doing their best to express their mindset and create mutual understanding, believing that this shared knowledge will help to minimize misunderstandings and avoid conflict.

As their relationships progress, INTPs' daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the INTP personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses - their partner may very much need these things, and it won't even occur to INTPs to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, INTPs are notoriously bad at picking up on others' emotional needs.

When it comes to conflict, there is a certain willful ignorance for INTPs, and they often set aside their partners' feelings, and their own, for far too long.

When these conflicts do arise and are inescapable, INTPs will do their best to find a logical solution. But this hardly helps if the problem is logic itself, that INTP personalities aren't meeting their partners' emotional needs. INTPs should keep this in mind, and try to meet their partners halfway by communicating on an emotional level - if they make this effort, understanding partners will recognize and appreciate the gesture, clumsy though it may be. After all, they need to afford INTPs the same benefit, and meet them halfway with logic and simplicity as well.

Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life

All this material asceticism and conflict avoidance support one primary goal - to free up mental resources for more important things. INTPs' creative, vivid imagination make for a surprisingly enthusiastic, passionate, and romantic partner. While INTPs may prioritize their inner world too much, imagining interesting and exciting intimate situations that are never expressed to their partners, they also use this rich inner world to achieve as much as possible in intimacy - they rarely want for ideas.

Physically, intellectually and with a little effort emotionally, INTP relationships are rich and rewarding connections. Partners who share the Intuitive (N) trait are usually best, along with one or two opposite traits to create variety and balance, but so long as INTPs remember that they are with people who have their own, independent wants and needs, and so long as their partners remember the same of their INTPs, these are long-lasting and satisfying relationships.

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Dana
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Jan 27, 2015 02:59:44
I have had a two long-term (>2yrs) relationships with INTP's and have one close friend of this type and do not find them simple or easy to please after the initial infatuation/excitement phase. After 6-9 months both of these INTP gentlemen slowly discontinued being open about their intent, thoughts or, if I may, feelings. It is as if, at some point, their desire to learn and grow in the relationship was exchanged for an increased awareness of potential conflict and, thus a decrease in the honesty of their expressions. Because their verbalizations are less frequent and one must patiently wait for a response that has value and integrity, it becomes disconcerting as I trie to determine if their response was to avoid disharmony and was worthy of further discussion or if I simply needed to trust their answer as real. More than any other type I have dated, each time their answer/discussion/response was inconsistent with their true experience, they detached a little from the relationship until it became meaningless for them. The painful and difficult thing is watching it happen. There as so many characteristics common to the INTP that I absolutely love. I adore bluntness and directness, I do not need typical expressions of romantic love. But being in a relationship and INTP can be challenging in the area of their apparent love/hate relationship with true intimacy.
C.M.E.
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Jan 22, 2015 17:08:47
Yeah, my husband used to cringe at my bluntness, or rudeness, as he called it, when we first got married. And now, I still frustrate him by guessing what he will say next if he pauses for a breath! haha. I just always think I know what he , or others, are trying to say. I am not always right however, and it Does frustrate him. It is something I am working on.
My poor hubby, I drive him crazy. He is ISTJ, and a cop. heh heh.
Viral2056
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Jan 20, 2015 17:46:30
Well surprisingly this says all that I am. I'm in a relationship now and I hope it goes all well because I am very blunt and do not sugarcoat things if I don't like something I will say it.
My name
0
Jan 19, 2015 21:32:16
I can relate with you guys. When I try to have a conversation with someone I tend to come off as uninterested and abrupt. It doesn't help that I have a very sarcastic sense of humour which I use a lot. I'm pretty sure quite a few people, especially women, think I'm being serious all the time when in fact it's quite the opposite. Making crude/stupid remarks is just my way of conversing. I'm the guy that almost never initiates the conversation but will throw in a pun or oneliner now and then and maybe pick in on a topic here and there. It's better with friends or close family, people that know me well, because they can differentiate my deadpan bluntness from sheer ignorance.

Sometimes, I have this image of myself in bird-eye view in my head during a conversation. I'm looking down on myself, as if my body goes through the motions of a conversation and my mind is just watching the conversation unfold like an objective observer. It's not that I don't notice emotions, I understand them, I know when I should have them, but either I don't feel anything or I automatically rationalize them and put them in perspective before they can get through.

Yesterday my grandma died and when my dad called my to tell me the bad news. I felt nothing. Granted she had been terminally ill for quite a while, but when they first told me she had cancer it also left me nearly untouched. Same story when my cousin went into a coma last year.

I feel almost equally alienated from myself as from other people, as weird as it sounds. I sympathize with them for showing the emotions that I am unable to express, and I understand how I must seem like an inconsiderate egotist from their point of view. And let me tell you, it is so damn frustrating to see this happen, because I seemingly have all the answers, yet I feel powerless and misunderstood.
undefined
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Jan 22, 2015 17:18:28
I can relate, somewhat. I have strong emotions, but they irritate me. I usually rationalize myself out of them. Sadly, that often means that my emotional family gets away with stuff because I refuse to act out when I am angry, so they don't seem to take me seriously. Very annoying.

And when my dad died, someone tried to pat my shoulder in sympathy and I literally jerked away and turned my back on them. I could not express or allow my emotions out. I was afraid they would overwhelm me, and I had to keep and iron grip on them. I never did cry, although I ended up having a week or so of panic attacks. well something like that. I'd be in public, no less, and all of a sudden could not breathe! No tears, and I analyzed the chemical and physical aspects of what was happening as it happened, forcing my physical body to calm down so it could overcome the chemical reaction going on, that sort of thing. But it was weird. never had that problem since.

Like the bible says, "the heart (feelings) is deceitful above all things." Our emotions are certainly real, but often subjective to circumstances, chemicals, people, so we should not let them determine our actions.
Nard
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Jan 14, 2015 20:36:05
As an INTP, I am soo geeking over this site. I want all my friends to take the test. The idea about having epiphanies. I just learned the origin of the term "Roughshod". Did you know that in the winter that horses were shod with the nails sticking out more for better traction on snow and ice, thus they were roughshod. Yes I have a Word Origins calendar. I love it.
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