Happiness is a strangely relative thing – a quiet day in the country or a night out on the town might bring bliss for one, and dread for another. But it’s often difficult for us to see happiness within ourselves without measuring it against others’ experiences.
We asked our readers whether they agreed or disagreed with the statement “It seems that, throughout your life, it has been hard for you to feel as happy as most people around you,” and the results showed a significant gap between each of the personality traits. Without a doubt, though, the widest gulf lay between Turbulent and Assertive types (70.93% vs. 32.18% agreeing).
Which groups have had the greatest trouble with happiness? Let’s find out:
Roles
Most Analysts surveyed agreed that they often thought of others as happier than themselves (65.57% agreeing). Often priding themselves on their commitment to objectivity and reason, Analysts may feel that unburdened happiness is an unaffordable frivolity, or even a simplicity worthy of disdain.
A majority of Diplomats also agreed on the issue of unhappiness (58.96% agreeing). With Diplomats, it could be that their restless curiosity, although it can drive them to work for the improvement of others’ lives, may sometimes come at the cost of their own contentment.
Less than half of Explorers and Sentinels agreed that others typically appear happier (47.31% and 43.43% agreeing). However, the reasons for this lack of envy may be very different for the two roles. Explorers focus on the moment – dwelling on the past and worrying about the future are easy ways to feel less happy. Really though, they simply might not measure themselves against others’ happiness the way Intuitive types sometimes seem to do. Sentinels, on the other hand, may not think in terms of fleeting happiness at all, but rather about how contentment slowly develops over time.
Of course, Explorers could worry that their short-term happiness will not last, and Sentinels may feel their plans for the future defer their own happiness for too long. Analysts and Diplomats are certainly capable of embracing simple pleasures and joys. But overall, Observant types are simply less likely to experience the same sort of ongoing existential crisis that Analysts and Diplomats are prone to, which would certainly affect their outlook on their happiness.
Strategies
Moving on, an overwhelming majority of Constant Improvers agreed that they had often come up short when comparing their happiness against that of others (78.58% agreeing). This struggle to find happiness could fuel the perfectionistic drive of Constant Improvement types, under the assumption that they must simply try harder to achieve the contentment others seem to take for granted. Ironically, the worry that plagues the Constant Improvement strategy – that they don’t measure up in some way – could be the very obstacle to their happiness. It can even potentially cause them to resent happiness itself for its apparent tradeoffs in the quality of achievement or a “more aware” view of the world.
The Social Engagement strategy also had a significant majority who agreed with the statement “It seems that, throughout your life, it has been hard for you to feel as happy as most people around you” (61.23% agreeing). Unlike Constant Improvers, who may see the relative happiness of others as a challenge to their identity, Social Engagers’ combination of Turbulence and Extraversion may lead to the feeling that the happiness in others can be theirs too. To them, finding happiness may be a matter of mirroring the qualities that make others happy, rather than rejecting them.
Fewer than half of the Confident Individualists responding to the survey agreed that the happiness they saw in others has eluded them in life (44.03% agreeing). While we might link confidence with contentment, it may not be the only factor at work: Introversion also seems to play a part in their responses. Confident Individualists may struggle to match the exuberance others feel in groups, but they may not feel the same need to measure themselves against those groups – they have their own quiet, solitary pursuit of happiness.
Few of those surveyed who use the People Mastery strategy agreed that they often felt others were happier (25.92% agreeing). People Masters typically take great pleasure in socializing, yet rarely fixate on the advantages of those around them – an ideal formula for not coveting others’ happiness.
Conclusions
It’s possible that happiness can’t be found by comparing ourselves to others. If these responses are any indication, happiness is less an achievable goal than a way of looking at the world. After all, if we see others as more happy than we are, are we truly happy? Or is happiness in this context merely a muted discontent? Conversely, if we’re happy only by being happier than those around us, is this schadenfreude any happiness at all?
Instead of seeing happiness as an acquisition to be won, and in the process deferring our happiness to some future date, it might be better to pursue happiness within ourselves. We may not be able to summon up our ideal of happiness on command, whether it is a quiet day in the country or a raucous night on the town. But we can exert some control over how we perceive what we do have, even if it doesn’t make us feel happy at first.