When you think of 16Personalities, what comes to mind? If you answered, “Information about human personality types,” you’re wrong – at least, you will be soon.
In the coming weeks and months, we’ll be taking on a new focus: 16Pet-sonalities.
Did you know there’s a huge gap in the market for pet personality typology? In our opinion, this has been a major blind spot among researchers and consumers alike.
16Pet-sonalities will fill this market gap by applying personality analysis to our four-legged friends, as well as pet birds, reptiles, aquatic animals, and amphibians. We’re even developing a model that can assess personality differences among Chia Pets.
This April 1st, we’re giving you a very special sneak peek of 16Pet-sonalities. Please read on for “The 16 Personality Types as Pets,” a rigorous analysis based on absolutely no data.
The 16 Personality Types as Pets
In the pet world, the animal most associated with the Architect personality type is the hedgehog. When people try to force them to do things, these animals curl into a tight ball, aiming their trademark prickles at anyone who tries to mess with them.
So if you do decide to mess with them, expect them to show some spine.
The Logician personality type is common among pet rats. These animals aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, and they’re known to bite strangers who try to get close to them. That said, rats are surprisingly intelligent and curious, with a high tolerance for ambiguity. Why else would they keep ending up in mazes?
Believe it or not, cats are the most likely pet to have the Commander personality type. Without hardly lifting a paw, these pets know how to command attention. They also have an uncanny knack for getting people to do what they want – or, even better, for getting people to want to do what they want.
Now, if you try to get them to do what you want – well, don’t be surprised if they do exactly the opposite.
The Debater personality type is prevalent among green tree pythons, a type of pet snake recommended for owners in search of a challenge. Green tree pythons enjoy messing with expectations: for starters, they’re not always green. They also have a reputation for being a tad aggressive under certain circumstances.
As long as you let them do things their way, though, they probably won’t bite you. Probably.
Service dogs are known for channeling their inner Advocate. Even if they come across as a bit reserved or aloof, these dogs are loving and dedicated. And they’re happiest when they have a sense of purpose – especially if that purpose involves helping someone who really needs it.
Of course, if you urge them to participate in some kind of frivolous game, they might give you their “Excuse me, I am very busy and important” face.
The Mediator personality type can often be found among sugar gliders. A bit like dreamy Mediators, these possum-like pets are known for their ability to glide through the air. Like any good Introvert, sugar gliders love curling up and hiding in soft, pouch-like beds. Curious, snuggly, and supersensitive, they develop incredibly deep, lasting bonds with their people and with their mates.
If you get one of these, expect to cuddle. A lot.
Dolphins aren’t exactly pets. Like Protagonists, however, they genuinely seem to enjoy interacting with people, even though it’s unclear whether they think they’re too good for us. Over the years, dolphins have saved many humans’ lives, which points to a very Protagonist-like sense of duty and desire to help others.
The Campaigner personality type is found among many types of pets. It is most common, however, in friendly, loving, always-ready-to-lick-your-face golden retrievers. This personality type is also demonstrated by nearly any dog whose owner has just come home.
If you end up with one of these pets, you might have to teach them what “personal space” means. But you can expect all the loving you can handle in return.
The Logistician personality type is probably one of the easiest to identify. You’ll find them in your guard and police dogs. Just imagine with us for a moment, a German shepherd or Doberman pinscher – each a true working dog – going about their business. “Yes, excuse me, sir, I am not cute, and I have a case to solve now. Please refrain from petting me.”
They’re adorable. They’re well-behaved. And, most importantly, they’re going to send you to jail if you step out of line.
What better animal to fit the Defender personality type than a pet turtle? Or a tortoise? They’re slow and steady creatures, marching forward with a quiet and kind determination. They’re not looking for competition – they’re just looking to put one foot in front of another to get the job done. Just let them be. They’re sweet creatures.
People have pet bears, y’know. Yeah, we had a hard time believing it too. Once we found this out, we had to designate bears as Executives. It’s the only logical conclusion. In many cultures, bears are a symbol of grounded strength and focus. In reality, they’re very traditional animals who are community-oriented. They like their habits and their trappings. They may seem very imposing to outsiders, but they’re very affectionate to those they love.
Does the term “mother bear” come to mind? The flip side of a mother bear, of course, is that you really don’t want to make one angry. Or a black bear. Or a grizzly bear. And, if you ever see a polar bear, it’s time to run.
Have you ever seen a mother hen at work? If you have, then, of course, you can see why they’re Consuls! Chickens, especially pet chickens, are social creatures who form, monitor, and enforce the peace of their homes.
There’s a certain pecking order in the home. Like Consuls, mother hens are fearless when it comes to protecting their territory. Not to mention that they’re some of the best communicators in the animal kingdom. Of course, each breed of chicken has its own distinct traits, but they all have the same instinct: protect the roost.
Proudly individualistic, like Virtuosos, tigers know they’re the real king of the jungle. When kept as pets, they will struggle to be able to express themselves fully. We recommend putting them back in their natural habitat where they can thrive – before they eat you.
Bunnies! Specifically, we chose the English Lop bunny for the Adventurer personality type. These bunnies are soft and modest, and they try to maintain a pleasant personality. It’s also very hard to irritate them, which is great because they really, really don’t like confrontation. But watch out, they’re chewers! So don’t try to keep them boxed in, because they’ll eventually find their way out and get into everything.
Most pet monkeys you meet are Entrepreneurs, obviously. Depending on where you are, there may be laws about your having a pet monkey. There’s a very good reason for that. They’re incredibly smart creatures, and sometimes they don’t want to be owned. Of all pets, monkeys need large amounts of social interaction and attention. However, even if you socialize them, be careful. They can be wildly unpredictable... but there’s never a dull moment around them.
Parrots are beautiful, proud, and extravagant, darling. Of course, they’re Entertainers. These aren’t simple “Polly want a cracker?” peeps. Just like Entertainers, parrots are incredibly clever and very good at getting people to look at them – whether it be with their bright plumage or their amazing tricks!
“16Pet-sonalities? But that’s im-paw-sible!”
If you suspect that this is an April Fools’ joke rather than a genuine announcement – well, you’re right. Fear not: 16Personalities is sticking around, and we’ll continue to offer great information about personality types... for humans, not Fluffy or Fido.
But if we do come up with a personality test for Chia Pets, you’ll be the first to know.